March 14, 2000

     Naomi Graetz has researched and written about a highly problematic aspect of Jewish law. In Silence is Deadly: Judaism Confronts Wifebeating she presents the controversial data clearly, exposing many unpalatable facts.

     This book may be shocking to those who were previously unaware of Jewish legal commentary concerning wifebeating, and it will probably be disconcerting to those already familiar with it. In Silence is Deadly, Naomi Graetz reveals that many rabbis who have condoned wifebeating "were among the most central and influential of all rabbinic authorities." But, fortunately -- as Graetz repeatedly stresses – halakha (i.e. – Jewish law) is not monolithic and there have been amendments in every generation. Her book discusses the varieties of rabbinic attitudes towards a man's physical abuse of his wife and proposes an urgently needed amendment with respect to domestic violence.

     A basic premise of Graetz's carefully constructed text is that metaphor shapes thought and behavior. Specifically, the metaphor of Israel as a woman, with God as "her" husband, underlies the relationships between Jewish husbands and wives. Graetz traces how the marriage metaphor has persisted from the ancient prophets and commentators into the present, citing prophets, rabbis and lawmakers as diverse as Hosea, the Gaonim, the Tosafists, Maimonides, Solomon Luria, and Israeli Rabbis Shlomo Riskin and Ovadia Joseph. She demonstrates how the philosophical underpinnings of Judaism have determined Jewish cultural norms, and how they can be witnessed in everyday behavior. The marriage metaphor's implicitly patriarchal bias is seen in the connection between metaphor and religious law.

     Graetz describes halakha as "much more pervasive than an ordinary legal system, for it prescribed norms not only of legal behavior, but also of ethical behavior and standards. It molded the major institutions of Jewish life, including marriage and the family." She writes that, behind the marriage metaphor is the implicit and shared "assumption that God is an aggressive, domineering being who is master over His passive, female, adoring people" and that "the ancient metaphors of marriage . . . take for granted the patriarchal view of women's subservient role." This attitude is certainly inconsistent with contemporary concepts of sexual equality.

     Graetz reveals that there is a great deal of ambivalence and ambiguity in Jewish legal tradition with respect to wifebeating. Although a man is not allowed to embarrass or harm his wife, some very prominent rabbis have advocated physically punishing a wife who has violated Jewish law. It is appalling for a contemporary reader to discover what some of the most revered and influential rabbis and scholars have written about wifebeating. For example, Maimonides -- possibly the greatest biblical interpreter of all times -- held that "a woman who does not do her work may be forced to do so with a stick." Solomon Luria writes that a man may beat his wife -- even to her death, if "she transgresses the laws of the Torah . . . even for transgressing a minor negative prohibition." And Samuel ha-Nagid -- "one of the most admired figures of Spanish Jewry" -- suggests that a husband should "Hit [his] wife without hesitation; if she attempts to dominate [him] like a man and raises her head (too high)." Graetz describes the development of rabbinic opinion, categorizing the responsa concerning violence towards women into three categories: acceptance, rejection and evasion of the question.

     To be fair, the cultural milieu must be taken into consideration. The rabbis quoted above were living in diaspora communities in which physical violence was widespread, and wifebeating was common. Additionally, during the Middle Ages, husbands were often "much older than their wives and acted toward their child-brides as if they were children and had to be educated." And "education", in those days, included physical punishment. But, despite whatever historical and socio-cultural considerations may aid in understanding the "inherent lack of symmetry in the status of husbands and wives," the problem of domestic violence in contemporary society calls for a fresh approach. Graetz examines the data through the filter of feminism, as well as "the norms of halakha and the metaphors of Jewish society." Declaring that wifebeating "is inseparable from woman's status in marriage," Graetz proposes solutions that are consistent with Jewish law and tradition. She cites alternatives ranging from conservative measures -- including pre-nuptial agreements, obligatory divorce, and rabbinic annulment of marriage -- to more radical actions, such as civil sanctions, vigilante punishment of abusive husbands, and civil disobedience by women. Graetz concludes her book with a proposed amendment, namely, that "the husband no longer have the sole power to end the marriage." Instead, she proposes that the husband and wife should come to "a mutual agreement in which an authorized beit din will sit down with the couple and arbitrate terms, which will be mutually agreed upon."

     The introduction by Elliot N. Dorff -- Professor of Philosophy at the University of Judaism in Los Angeles, and Vice-Chair of the Conservative Movement's Committee on Jewish Law and Standards and author of its rabbinic ruling on family violence -- stresses the urgency of grappling with the problem of wifebeating. He writes that Silence is Deadly "should be on the shelf of every rabbi and, indeed, every Jew prepared to confront this situation and remedy it." In an era when domestic violence has, regrettably, become a household phrase, Graetz's presentation of the facts could facilitate a much-needed amendment that would be acceptable to all. Contemporary Jewish scholars, social workers, and lay people of all religious streams will benefit from reading this carefully researched and lucidly written volume.

Originally appeared in The Jerusalem Post